


Trymskvida

by Ashild



Category: Norse Religion & Lore
Genre: Gen, How did the hammer get stolen?, Thor is an idiot, We never find out, canon crossdressing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-02
Updated: 2015-04-02
Packaged: 2018-03-20 22:15:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,230
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3667215
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ashild/pseuds/Ashild
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Or: That time Thor wanted loki to fix his problems, and Loki decided he might as well have some fun.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Trymskvida

**Author's Note:**

> Because the original myths are honestly better than anything I could ever come up with. Practically everything here is taken from "Trymskvida".

Loki heard a fantastic roar coming from the royal chambers. He sighed and turned another page in his book. Thor had finally woken up, probably a bit hung over from last night. Loki did not pity the servant who had to deal with him today.

“Loki!”

Well. That’s what you got for being optimistic.

“Hear me Loki, what I have to say! No one else knows it, but they have have stolen my hammer!”

Loki rubbed his forehead and tried not to laugh. “You know, just because there was a skald-competition yesterday, does not mean you have to continue speaking in an archaic language.”

Thor stood sheepishly in the opening of the door. “But… My hammer…”

“It’s stolen, yes, I heard you the first time. How on earth did that happen?”

“Never mind that! We must go at once to Freya!”

“Why?”

“To borrow her feathercloak!”

“Why?”

“So you can go looking for my hammer, of course!”

There was a significant pause. Thor stared hopefully at Loki.

“Do you even remember what happened the last time I spoke to Freya? I don’t think she will take kindly to any request made by me.”

 *

“Of course I will borrow you my feathercloak, Thor. It could be made of gold, or even silver, and you could still have it. I hope you find your hammer. It would be a shame for you to lose such a… vital… part of you.”

Loki rolled his eyes. Freya could stuff innuendo into anything, and Thor was as susceptible as anyone else. She was also a very vain, and apparently didn’t know that gold was worth more than silver. Once, Loki snatched some of her jewelry (Just for a laugh!) and she sicked Heimdal on him. Such an unfair fight. Granted, they were both seals at the time, but the point still stood.

“Thank you Freya. I am forever grateful.” Yeah, right. Only until the next time he needed something.

 *

So Loki flew out of Asgard and into Jotunheim, because he figured it took a certain mix of cunning and stupid to steal from Thor. The current king, Trym, sat in his throne-room with his massive dogs and horses, and was that _seriously_ gold collars? The horses looked very nice though. Loki kind of wanted to visit them later.

Trym’s expression shifted into a shit-eating grin. “So, how are the gods? How are the elves? Why are you here alone?”

Loki bowed with a flourish. He might as well give him exactly what he wanted. “Oh, great king Trym. It’s ill for the gods, it’s ill for the elves. Now answer me, please, have you hidden Lorride’s hammer?” Lorride was the name Thor had pronounced his own name in the middle of a drunken ramble. Loki had since ensured that everyone be made aware of the new title.

“Yeah, I have.”

Loki had just formulated a plan on how to coax the king to reveal any secret he might have. This answer was not something he had counted on. “You… have?”

“Sure. I buried it underground, just for a laugh.”

“Why?”

“I want to marry Freya.”

What precisely the connection was between stealing Mjølnir and marrying Freya was not exactly clear for Loki.

“So… Hammer for Freya? We just need to convince her to marry someone she has never met, who is a different species, and move away from everything she has ever known for the second time in her life?”

He was thrown out shortly thereafter.

 *

Thor met him out in the courtyard before he could land. “So, what happened? Tell me while you’re still in the air. Quickly, whilst you can still remember!”

It was difficult rolling his eyes while a bird, but Loki figured it out. Thor brought out those abilities in him. “Right, okay, so. Trym has your hammer, and he won’t give it back unless we give him Freya as a wife.” He landed gently on the gravel. Thor stared at him openmouthed.

“What?”

“ _That’s what I wanted to say!_ ”

 *

So they went to the great hall where all had gathered, and approached Freya. For some reason Thor managed to convince Loki to be the one who spoke. Well. Loki had gotten a seed of an idea, and that required Freya to not come along.

“Bind the bridelinen to your hair, Freya, and the two of us shall fare to Jotunheim.”

The following rage was expected, and Loki ducked just in time to avoid being hit in the eye with her necklace, which flew off as she was shouting obscenities.

“They would call me truly desperate and crazy for men if I were to go with you to Jotunheimen!”

And then a lot more obscenities.

The rest of the hall collectively winced, and they all murmured their assurance to Freya. Heimdall leaned forward and stared daggers at Thor.

“It’s your responsibility, Thor. Why don’t you dress up as a bride? We’ll tie on the bridelinen, you’ll get some of her shiny jewelry, and cloth over the knees. A couple of stones in the chest-area, a nice hair-do and you’ll be perfect!” That was unexpected. For once someone else planted the idea.

Thor was not capable of understanding sarcasm. “I’d be the laughingstock of Åsgard!”

“Right, Thor,” Loki said. “We might as well wait for Jotnar to come into Åsgard and start building their own houses. Splendid.”

 *

So they got to dress up Thor in a bride costume. Loki helped. A lot. The best part was probably when the servants tried to cut his beard.

 *

Loki went with Thor, partly because the great big oaf needed someone to help him, partly because he needed a good laugh, but mostly because there was no way he’d miss an opportunity to wear dresses.

The ride was okay, they made a lot of noise, but what could you expect when riding a cart with two goats?

As they neared their destination, Loki got a better look at the animals. “Are those really goldenhorned cows?”

“And black oxes,” Thor said.

“Huh.”

 *

The party got started, and Thor, the idiot, ate as he normally did. One ox, eight salmons and all that other small stuff that was usually prepared for women. Trym watched, transfixed.

“Where did one ever see a bride bite as wide, or down as much mead.”

Damn it. “Freya has fasted for eight days. That’s how excited she was to come to Jotunheim.”

The king nodded, and leaned into his supposed bride, lifting the veil slightly, probably to steal a kiss. He jumped back.

“What hideous eyes does Freya have! They looked like a burning fire.”

How drunk was the king? How did someone not see Thor’s red beard? “Freya has been awake for the last eight nights. That’s how excited she was to come to Jotunheim.”

That seemed to settle most, but shortly after the king’s sister came in and started with her sickly sweet voice. “Now, future sister. Where’s your dowry?” She gave Trym a look. “You’d do well to have me as an ally.”

Oblivious Trym called to a servant. “Carry in the hammer, lay it in the maidens lap, and we shall unite our hands.”

 *

Thor certainly had a good time after that. First he killed Trym, then his sister, and then everyone else.

 *

“We are not to speak of this again.”

“But _how_ did you lose your hammer?”

“Loki!”

**Author's Note:**

> I'll admit to a lot of inspiration from the Danish comic "Valhalla".
> 
> If you want more retellings, let me know!


End file.
